I’m just going to take a moment to talk about cars, I own a Fiat Seicento, it’s a nice little car, slightly limited edition and is 10 years old so it has seen prettier times. It is, to all intent and purpose the 2nd biggest inanimate object of my affection, and it’s a little bit of a wrench on the hypothetical heart strings to have to part way with it but unfortunately I am concerned that pretty soon I may have to counter-balance what I paid for it with what I’m going to have to pay to make sure it is no longer a mobile deathtrap…
Perhaps out of sheer curiosity, or boredom, or maybe because I just fancied wasting 10 minutes I decided to check out that website with the really annoying, borderline killing-spree inducing advert, ‘webuyanycar.com’ at this point, I’d like to take a quick timeout and say I would hyperlink to it, but I pure don’t want you to even look at their website. So anyway, here I am on the website going through the ‘Steps’ and putting all sorts of options in, it then flashes up a mock image of cheque for an amount no greater than £200. Two Hundred pounds only, and that is subject to a £49.99 + VAT transaction fee, so all said and done you go home, from the garage, sobbing into your hankey without your sweet little companion whom you have been through thick and thin with, safe in the knowledge that your bank account is now an earth shattering One Hundred and forty two pounds better off, and that’s to the nearest pound!
I cannot believe, comprehend or understand why anyone with more than half a brain cell would consider this company a viable option. I’m not a motor mechanics expert, or a Car Salesman, or a Bank Manager, however I feel that as a consumer I can more, or less estimate that my vehicle, a 2000 plate Fiat Seicento is worth a considerably larger amount than £142!!! They sell on Ebay as spares and repairs for less than that! My Rear Bumper is worth more than that unattached from the vehicle!
Ok, moving onto the next bit, they send you an email. It’s all lovely and corporate with the correct letterhead and nice, goofy pictures saying:

Dear John Wilson

Thanks for choosing webuyanycar.com for your car’s valuation. Simply follow this link to make an appointment for a guaranteed, no hassle sale.

webuyanycar.com will then make the payment direct to your bank.

So follow the ‘Sell your car’ link alongside now and enjoy a trouble-free sale, just like thousands of motorists nationwide.

* Online valuations are subject to in-branch inspection and contract. A transaction fee applies on purchase. Based on a purchase price of £200, an transaction fee of £49.99 including VAT will apply.

Blasphemy. Pure blasphemy. I’m not sure where to start. First of all, as I politely reminded my Facebook friends not less than 33 minutes ago, I would rather fully engage my cock into a plug socket than sell my baby for £200! Secondly, the price is subject to an inspection at their garage or some bollocks, to which I would be most surprised if they do not reduce that figure even further, thirdly I cannot comprehend why anyone would consider disposing of their vehicle on this website when you could park it on the side of the road, with a little sign saying “webuyanycar offered me £200, any offer better than that and you’re a winner” and you would probably make more money than regrettably trundling down in your little bundle of joy and virtually handing it over for a nominal fee.

Ok, so perhaps being on the verge of a slander lawsuit I’m going to stop there and reflect, I’ve never used this kind of service before, I don’t have any gold or a nice watch that I’d like to pawn, but I have used entertainment trading centres and I feel they give you a reasonable price, actually scratch that, they fucking suck, but that’s video games man, cars are big business! You could say I’m just bitter but in all fairness I would rather drive my car until it falls apart around me than feel like I shelled out and sold it for pocket money, but the really worrying thing is people are probably being exploited by companies like this just to get a quick buck. It fucking sucks, there is no two ways about it, recession vultures that (hopefully) in five years will be driven out of business.
Also in the space of 35 minutes they have emailed me 5 times, and will probably continue to do so until you click this little link at the bottom of the page in the smallest text ever that says: I’m not selling right now, please don’t remind me about my valuation!

Fuck webuyanycar.com. Your advert was bollocks as well.